Tuesday, February 21, 2012

The Art of Being in a Relationship

So, here I am again. The one place I can rant on and on. Yes, it'll be about your friends being in relationships. Yes, the ones where at one moment you hear about 'Oh, he's so sweet' or the 'OMG, he did that, just for me? That's so adorable.’; or the ones where they go on and on about 'Why can't he just listen to me for once?', 'How can he not tell me his problems?', 'Why is he not calling me? You know, we just spoke over BBM.' (Yes, you guessed it right, throughout the day.) And there are those who'll just talk about their boyfriends, even if I have never seen their respective boyfriends’ face or don't remember their names.

And again you guessed it right, am single. And I really don't know if am happy or sad about it. Well, sometimes am really sad, like depressingly sad and sometimes am in the seventh heaven. I'm like flying high; over, away and beyond from all the pain and hurt. From the drama and the annoyingly dependent and vulnerable behaviour of girls. Hmm, can I not try to figure out how I feel about being single because I really don't know. And added to that, I feel like shit. I feel like a stone cold woman with no emotions. A woman with no human attachment. Ok, I have to admit, I cry a lot. I have cried in a movie like Phir Bhi Dil Hain Hindustani. Let alone that, I have cried and cried after reading a print ad. So, when it comes to liking a guy (let alone relationships) I’m like this emotional woman who has dried up her emotions and tears by crying on stupid things like a stupid yet wonderful Chivas Regal print ad. 

Ok, so coming back to the main topic. (I have this habit of shifting from one line of thought to another. Sorry about that.) Where was I? Yeah, the art of being in a relationship. So, I realised that I suck at it. I cannot whine on things about the things mentioned above. I am a strong independent girl and I can't imagine myself acting like somebody who's vulnerable. (So what if I cry a lot.) I am just not made like that. Friends tell me that once am in one, I mean a relationship, I would do the same thing. But as hard as I've tried to imagine myself in a relationship (tightly shutting my eyes and putting myself in some somebody else's shoes) I can't. It just doesn't happen like that. Or does it? As I said before, sometimes I feel like a stone cold woman. This is one of the many uncountable times when I feel like a stone cold woman. But then I tell my heart (which has nothing to do with your emotions scientifically) that it doesn't have to be like that. It shouldn't be like that. You might just start feeling happy or shitty about a person or due to a person. You never know. Do I sound like a Mills and Boon fan? Well, I am one. I was. Rather. But when you're in your adolescence everyone is. I’m not a teenager anymore and reality is annoyingly stark naked in front of me.

The reality is that I like the way it is because otherwise I'll suck at it. Yes, am talking about relationships. I think, as a girlfriend, I can bag the World's Worst Girlfriend Award or something. I hate talking for hours on phone. I prefer reading alone, cut off from the world, any day from going out to a crowded place with your boyfriend. Oh did I forget to mention the dress and the killer heels. I define 'me' time as only me and not 'us'. 

Now, if I look back, I have almost pushed away every single guy who has ever liked me or vice versa. And no, before you can think of calling me selfish, I am not selfish at all. My friends can vouch for it. It’s just that I don't know the art of being in a relationship. I have never understood it, let alone mastering it.

But, once, for a month I guess, my life was similar to the friends I have who are in relationships. I spent days with him. My weekend was completely clear for him and I looked forward to meet him. But then my friends were single and thought of him as not 'date worthy' enough because of 'obvious' reasons. (Now to think of it, they were never that obvious to me). Just to prove them am not much into him I faked my displeasure in spending time with him (peer pressure, I guess).The friends complained that he is taking me away from them (the real friends) and convinced me to ditch him. Yes, before it could be official, I ditched him. Didn't even have the pleasure of dumping him (Not that it was my ultimate plan, but still). So I chose the friends over the prospective guy. Can't blame it on them too as it was my decision at the end of the day. I just loved the free time, the ‘me’ time. But still when I look back I realise the only guy I was happy with after a very long time is not with me anymore. Because the stone cold woman in me chose to be with me, alone. 

I remember a classmate in one of my schools told me that Aquarians are not at all romantic and like being aloof. So there I was trying to prove her wrong and believing in all the things promised by a romantic ‘aww’ Hollywood movie. And I almost started believing in it. If only they had given a little more importance to the art of being in a relationship I would have written something completely opposite of what I have ranted about today.

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

The Forbidden Fruit

The BIG apple is too tempting to resist. The fascination started at a really young age when everyone spoke about the people inhabiting the fascinating world in hushed tones. I remember reading a book called Sex, Drugs and Rock n Roll and I imagined myself being a part of it.

Just being free.

It’s a lifetime dream to be part of that world where everything may be possible. People pour in to the BIG Apple to have a whirlwind romance, never mind the unseen end, or to build a career or just to live life to the fullest.

As I grew up, my fascination with the fruit never ended; on the contrary it was augmented by the number of romcoms and sitcoms my generation grew up watching. Yeah yeah….u got it right! I have to admit that I had my fair share of Sex and the City (with my dream man being Mr Big), Friends, Seinfeld, How I met Your Mother and obviously a lot Confessions of a Shopaholic kind of movies. I have stopped counting the times I have imagined myself sitting on a stool, with my (toned) legs crossed sporting a Manolo Blahniks, an Yves Saint Laurent Dress and of course how can I forget a Gucci or a Louis Vuitton bag (nothing less than that), in a bar sipping a sophisticated cocktail from my perfect pout.

Every time I hear Jay Z and Alicia Keys crooning with passion about the forbidden fruit I get goosebumps…..That reminds me…whenever I listen to their dedication I wish I could sing like her….lucky bitch. Seriously as the song says the ‘lights do inspire me’. So…I don’t want to write anymore. I am just going to end this outburst with the song. Here it is.

New York!!!!
Concrete jungle where dreams are made of,
There's nothing you can’t do,
Now you're in New York!!!
These streets will make you feel brand new,
the lights will inspire you,
Let's hear it for New York, New York, New York

Wednesday, February 24, 2010


I don’t know what to write. I don’t know what am thinking. I don’t know what to say. I don’t know what things will be out when I finish what I started writing. I don’t know if at all I will find out what stupid/ inconsequential things I am thinking right now. I don’t know when this day will get over…not that I had a bad day. I have no idea if ever this confusion/ worry/ unease (even that am unaware of) will be at bay after this. I don’t know if a graphic card is different from a SIM card. I don’t know when these random sentences starting with ‘I don’t know’ will stop. I don’t even know why am writing this. I don’t if I am going out tonight or not. I don’t know if I am really writing what I am thinking right know. I don’t know if I have something in my mind or not. I don’t know so many things but…..you know what I really don’t care to know what it is that’s bothering me.

Am happy not to know so many things in life because I have many other things to think about like…..god why do I have such negative thoughts.

Monday, December 14, 2009

The Shoe Story

And there it was. My perfect match. My perfect golden shoe, with sequined bling on it. As soon as my eyes fell on it, I, as a bee to honey, was pulled towards it. I felt that it was pleading me to pick it up. And I did. Oh yes, I did. I fulfilled its plea. I was happy. Rather I was elated to see the perfect thing ever made on this planet. I put it down and tried it delicately- like it was made out of tissues or tulle. I guess that’s what it is called…..never mind. I tried it again. But alas it was one size smaller than my BIG feet. Never hated my feet this much. I thought lady luck is always with me. But not today. I was, with my displeasure, informed about the unavailability of another pair.


I felt dejected & ignored. I tried to make myself come to terms with the truth. I promised my heart that I’ll make amends to it.

So, I did. I went to another store and looked around. I felt my heart skip a beat.

YES, I fell in love again. There in front of me was the perfect pair of heels…..and it was d perfect shoe that was ever made in this world.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Dreams & Aspirations

Talking about my dreams is somewhat difficult. I love to travel and see new places. Until a few years back I wanted to be a globetrotter visiting the unknown places of the world. I love adventure sports and have tried my hand in white water rafting and the next thing in my checklist is bungee jumping. I like to dance and I can talk for hours. I can’t sleep without reading at least one page of any book and love to ponder over random things. I sometimes love to sit alone and think about things that matter to me. I used to write a diary but maintaining a diary in a hostel is dangerous and I have suffered the consequences. In future I want to be a globetrotter but that’s not happening soon so I will be satisfied with a good job and a good life.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009


I wish I could swim like a fish,
And travel the seven seas.
I wish I could fly,
And cross mountains like birds do.
I wish I could jump from the edge,
And fall in the pit of eternity.
I wish I could globe trot,
And not think about my worries.
I wish I could go back in history,
And predict the future as it is now.
I wish I lived in a world of no religion,
And not segment myself as a Hindu.
I wish I had the freedom to be just me,
And not care about the society.
I wish I had enough wishes,
To live my dreams out loud,
To be aloof and sing and dance,
Or be lost within a crowd.
I hope all my wishes get their wings,
And let loose out in the horizon deep.
I wish I could experience utopia and bliss,
And still feel my pillow weep.